Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- Downloads：4449
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-11-08 05:19:34
- Update Date：2025-09-08
- Status：finish
- Author：Melody Beattie
- ISBN：B0B18JHYMC
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
Reviews
Elizabeth Jennings
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I read the 1992 edition， so I imagine the updated version has more up-to-date resources， but human nature is human nature， and what Beattie described people going through in the 70s and 80s continues today。 Her frank， down-to-earth style as a recovered addict and copdependent herself is likely what has made the book a bestseller for decades。 She is like a big sister or best friend who will tell you like it is because she really cares。 What helped me most in this book is the understanding that re I read the 1992 edition， so I imagine the updated version has more up-to-date resources， but human nature is human nature， and what Beattie described people going through in the 70s and 80s continues today。 Her frank， down-to-earth style as a recovered addict and copdependent herself is likely what has made the book a bestseller for decades。 She is like a big sister or best friend who will tell you like it is because she really cares。 What helped me most in this book is the understanding that recovery from unhealthy patterns is not either/or; you are not one day an addict and then one day recovered。 Rather， you are on a path of healing and discovery for life， with steps forward and back and in other directions。 I recommend this book to anyone on the journey toward healthy relationship with yourself and others。 。。。more
Catherinealice
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25th anniversary edition and still so valuable。 For me， Ch 1-15 were the most applicable。 When Brené and Glennon and Jen Hat all recommend a book， you read it。 This one will get reread。 Great for parents of teens and young adults！！
Kate
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I don't generally read self-help books because I find them a little too repetitive， but I was interested in this one for the re-released version containing a chapter on anxiety。 I'm really glad I read it！ I had never heard the term codependent before without thinking it was basically just another way to say clingy。 Then I started reading this and I was like "shit am I codependent？" So， I asked my therapist and they said they prefer to use this as a lens for viewing yourself rather than just an o I don't generally read self-help books because I find them a little too repetitive， but I was interested in this one for the re-released version containing a chapter on anxiety。 I'm really glad I read it！ I had never heard the term codependent before without thinking it was basically just another way to say clingy。 Then I started reading this and I was like "shit am I codependent？" So， I asked my therapist and they said they prefer to use this as a lens for viewing yourself rather than just an outright diagnosis since the term "codependent" has some racial/cultural biases （in that some "characteristics" of codependency can be very important （（and taught）） cultural characteristics for others）。 Makes sense。 With that in mind I kept reading and I realized they were right: it's a very good lens for working through issues/on yourself but I didn't let myself get too consumed by the term itself but rather the message along with it on how to change your behavior。 This is a really good read if you're in or were in a relationship with someone with a compulsive disorder， though there are TONS of other scenarios it relates to as well。 There's a lot of solid advice。。。and quite a bit of repetitive bits。 Even with that， it's worth your time。 There are activities at the end of each section， and I really liked most of them。 They make you think critically about yourself which was helpful。 The anxiety "chapter" was more of a brief glance， so it wasn't quite what I came for but still a good little section of information。I would like to note that this does have a pretty large religious focus and a lot of references to AA and AlAnon。 Personally， I don't like religion in my reads because it's so preachy and bossy sounding。 Melody does do a good job of not making it seem like she's shoving it down your throat though， so it didn't bother me as much as other books have。 She is also upfront that this is about her experiences with religion/AA/AlAnon/drugs， and she is also not a doctor， so this is more of a memoir/lengthy advice column。 I guess just keep that in mind？Overall， I'm glad I read this。 I got a lot of useful info/advice out of it and anything I didn't love/didn't apply to me is already forgotten。Thanks to NetGalley for my copy to read in exchange for an honest review！ 。。。more
Francesca
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This book changed my life
Wanda
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I first read this book years ago at my therapist’s suggestion， and it was beyond thought provoking; indeed， it helped me identify and start to change some negative codependent patterns that had shaped my life。 I’ve also shared the book with many friends over the years。 It’s been a huge help in my life and emotional growth。 But we can all use a tune-up now and again。I’m happy to note that this updated version rings even truer today。 I’m also getting ready to stock up on copies of this revised ver I first read this book years ago at my therapist’s suggestion， and it was beyond thought provoking; indeed， it helped me identify and start to change some negative codependent patterns that had shaped my life。 I’ve also shared the book with many friends over the years。 It’s been a huge help in my life and emotional growth。 But we can all use a tune-up now and again。I’m happy to note that this updated version rings even truer today。 I’m also getting ready to stock up on copies of this revised version to share with my friends。 I mean， the holidays are almost here。Thanks， Melody。 I received a copy of this book from publisher Spiegel & Grau， but please note that this review is comprised of my own feedback。 。。。more
MaryKai Boulton
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Great read。 It's incredible to me that this was written decades ago， but it still rings true today！ Some things never change！ Great read。 It's incredible to me that this was written decades ago， but it still rings true today！ Some things never change！ 。。。more
Deena
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This book has so much in it。 I have to reread it and probably read it again。 There are so many nuggets of myself in here that it is a a lot to unpack and work on。 But awareness is the first step。
Linda McCutcheon
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"For a long time I had blamed my unfortunate circumstances on other people， "You are the reason I am the way I am。。。Look what you made me do。。。" After I。。。took responsibility for myself， I wondered if maybe other people weren't the reason I hadn't been living my own life; maybe they were just the excuse。"I am emotionally drained after devouring the very raw memoir and self help guide Codependent No More by brutally honest author Melody Beattie。 I am not usually a fan of self help books but I can "For a long time I had blamed my unfortunate circumstances on other people， "You are the reason I am the way I am。。。Look what you made me do。。。" After I。。。took responsibility for myself， I wondered if maybe other people weren't the reason I hadn't been living my own life; maybe they were just the excuse。"I am emotionally drained after devouring the very raw memoir and self help guide Codependent No More by brutally honest author Melody Beattie。 I am not usually a fan of self help books but I can say this writer's life and words have changed me。Originally published in 1986 this revised edition includes new insight and an added section on trauma and anxiety that is not just helpful but vital。 The author has lived a thousand lives facing almost insomountable pain from being abducted and molested at age four， years of sexual abuse as a child while her mother looked the other way， living with an alcoholic father， taking her first drink at age 12， falling into drug and alcohol addiction and the most unimaginable loss of her 12 year old son from a skiing accident。This book tells her story and how she has not just survived but learn to live。 The author of over 16 books she writes with care， empathy， and force。 There are lists and activities to help guide you to have a "love affair with yourself。" But this is not a text book。 It is journey through hardship and seeing the light at the end of a tunnel of despair。The following lines are now my mantra， "。。。we are more than our problems。。。Just because life has been this painful so far doesn't mean it has to keep hurting。。。it may not be all roses from here on out， but it doesn't have to be all thorns either。" With her story， her education and her keen perception this writer gives you the tools and inspiration for a better life。I received a free copy of this book from the publisher for a fair and honest review。 All opinions are my own。 。。。more
Haylie Johnson
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Really great book， if you need help in a codependency relationship with a person then this one’s for you！ I struggle with codependency in my family & it helped me become aware of the unhealthy habits I created for myself！
Kristen Evans
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My therapist recommended to this book to me because she （overshare） thought I had some codependent personality traits， I guess。 I read the book and my mind was super opened to the patterns of these types of relationships and was so intrigued by the stories， that even after I realized from learning a more formal definition of what codependency is， and that I don't fit it， that I stayed to hear more about it。I think one very important lesson of what I did learn from this and goals I am trying to w My therapist recommended to this book to me because she （overshare） thought I had some codependent personality traits， I guess。 I read the book and my mind was super opened to the patterns of these types of relationships and was so intrigued by the stories， that even after I realized from learning a more formal definition of what codependency is， and that I don't fit it， that I stayed to hear more about it。I think one very important lesson of what I did learn from this and goals I am trying to walk away having and achieving is being more true to myself。 And when I say that， I mean saying yes only when I really want to say yes， and saying no a lot more， even if it makes me feel uncomfortable。 I've also put other people's needs or requests above my own stability sometimes， and I am learning how to not do that and prioritize myself。 The thought of trying to be people's "hero" but doing too much or offering to try to fix their problems and how I have tried to do that at times in the past and am trying not to do that in the future。 。。。more
Lucy Isaula
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God this book was intense but definitely very good。
Nicole Zupich
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A vital book for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional home。 This updated version addresses all the dated issues of the original。
Ella Duce
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This book focused a lot on substance abuse in terms of codependency which doesn’t apply to me so didn’t love it。 Only about one chapter felt really relatable and informative for me。
Mallory
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2。5 Stars I could see this being helpful， but it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting。 Some parts resonated and I felt were beneficial， but other parts just felt repetitive and not too helpful。
Shelby
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The material was helpful but I could have done without all the God talk
Guerry Sisters
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Thank you to #partner Spiegel & Grau for our copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie。Although this book has been available for awhile， the revised copy publishes on October 25th， 2022。Rating: 5 starGenre: Non-fictionThoughts: If both Glennon Doyle and Jen Hatmaker recommend a book， you know you need to read it immediately！ I feel like I have heard so much buzz around this book。If you enjoy nonfiction books around psychology， mental health， or self-help， then this is a must read！ I also thi Thank you to #partner Spiegel & Grau for our copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie。Although this book has been available for awhile， the revised copy publishes on October 25th， 2022。Rating: 5 starGenre: Non-fictionThoughts: If both Glennon Doyle and Jen Hatmaker recommend a book， you know you need to read it immediately！ I feel like I have heard so much buzz around this book。If you enjoy nonfiction books around psychology， mental health， or self-help， then this is a must read！ I also think this would be an awesome book to listen to on audio too！ 。。。more
Janilyn Kocher
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We all have been too reliant on someone or something in our lives。 What’s dangerous is when that develops into an unhealthy relationship。Beattie’s book， newly revamped and updated， gives useful advice and tips for readers who are battling their own bonds with codependency。I think the one that rings the loudest is learn to like/love yourself。 Too many times people search for love and happiness within someone else， but if you’re not happy with yourself and like yourself you will never find what yo We all have been too reliant on someone or something in our lives。 What’s dangerous is when that develops into an unhealthy relationship。Beattie’s book， newly revamped and updated， gives useful advice and tips for readers who are battling their own bonds with codependency。I think the one that rings the loudest is learn to like/love yourself。 Too many times people search for love and happiness within someone else， but if you’re not happy with yourself and like yourself you will never find what you’re seeking。Thanks to Spiegel and Grau for the complimentary copy。 。。。more
Elicia
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3。5I can see why this book set the stage for so much that’s been researched and done in the past 30 years。
Raminta Rusinaitė
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Melody Beattie。 NE-PRIKLAUSOMI pilna apžvalga: https://kaciapaskaicius。lt/？p=2700Melody Beattie amerikiečių psichologė viena pirmųjų ėmė kalbėti ne apie priklausomybę turinčius žmones， bet apie tuos， kurie gyveno jų aplinkoje。 Kopriklausomieji – tai asmenys， kurių gyvenimą lėmė priklausomybės turinčių žmonių ydos namuose ir noras jais besąlygiškai pasirūpinti。 Kontrolė， kuri tampa kopriklausomųjų palyfovė – tai atsargos mechanizmas， kuris leidžia būti tikriems， kad pasirūpinsime priklausomu žmog Melody Beattie。 NE-PRIKLAUSOMI pilna apžvalga: https://kaciapaskaicius。lt/？p=2700Melody Beattie amerikiečių psichologė viena pirmųjų ėmė kalbėti ne apie priklausomybę turinčius žmones， bet apie tuos， kurie gyveno jų aplinkoje。 Kopriklausomieji – tai asmenys， kurių gyvenimą lėmė priklausomybės turinčių žmonių ydos namuose ir noras jais besąlygiškai pasirūpinti。 Kontrolė， kuri tampa kopriklausomųjų palyfovė – tai atsargos mechanizmas， kuris leidžia būti tikriems， kad pasirūpinsime priklausomu žmogumi ir atsikratysime kaltės， jei mus to padaryti nepavyksta。 Autorė – ex-alkoholikė ir narkomanėMelody Beattie 12 metų ėmė gerti， 13 jau turėjo priklausomybę， o nuo 18 buvo jau ir narkomanė。 Šiuo metu ji yra gerbiama psichologė， kuri savo nuopuolį pavertė stiprybe。 Savęs atradimo kelias ir kova su liga， jai atvėrė akis， jog kenčia ne tik priklausomi žmonės， bet „pagirias“ patiria ir jų artimieji。 Gyvenimus sau griauna ne tik priklausomi žmones， bet jie deformuoja ir savo artimuosius。Kaip keičiasi kopriklausomųjų žmonių gyvenimas？Tie， kurie gyvena su alkoholikais， lošėjais， darboholikais ar kitais priklausomybę turinčiais žmonėmis， kenčia。 Dažnu atveju jie jaučia atsakomybę už kito žmogaus pasirinkimus ir laiko save kaltais， jei vėl ir vėl nepavyksta išgelbėti savo priklausomų artimųjų。 Jie pamiršta savo gyvenimą， nes ima gyventi kito žmogaus gyvenimą。 Jie tarsi apsėsti galvoja， kaip padarius vieną ar kitą dalyką， kad padėti ir išgelbėti juos nuo žalingų pasirinkimų。 Jie pamiršta ir apleidžia save。 Suserga depresija。 Ima vengti žmonių。 Kartais net ir nsuižudo。Priklausomi žmonės geba manipuliuoti， kelti gailestį ir reikalauti， kad jais rūpintųsi。 Tačiau kas pasirūpins tais， kurie laksto ir gelbėja manipuliuojančius priklausomuosius？ Apmaudas， nepasitikėjimas ir apatija tiesiog išsikeroja kopriklausomųjų viduje。 Jie gyvena permirkę skausme， kartais neapykantoje ir pamiršta pasikeisti šį rūbą。Atrask save ir suprask kitusMelody Beattie knygoje „NE-PRIKLAUSOMI: kaip liautis kontroliuoti kitus ir pradėti rūpintis savimi“ atskleidžia galybę situacijų ir pasakojimų iš grupinių kopriklausomųjų susitikimų。 Daugelis gali ten rasti save。 Savo mintis。 Savo atsakomybės naštą atstatyti pasaulyje tvarką。 Baisu ir pripažinti， kad priklausomybe serga vienas， o kenčia kaip minimum antra tiek žmonių。 Lietuvoje， kurioje alkoholizmas ilgus metus buvo labai opi tema， tikriausiai dar ir dabar didelė dalis jaunų žmonių šioje knygoje rastų save。 Žinoma， čia kalbama apie skirtingas priklausomybes， tačiau alkoholis yra viena ryškiausių。Ar verta įsigyti？Jei jūsų artimoje aplinkoje buvo priklausomų žmonių arba jūs pats buvote toks， manau， kad šią knygą būtina paskaityti。 Ją skaityti gali net ir tie， kurių antros pusės augo priklausomų žmonių šešėlyje。 Tai leidžia labai artimai suprasti， kodėl jų žmonės turi tam tikrus polinkius。 O dažniausiai – polinkį į kontrolę。 Nes jos praradimas jiems asocijuojasi su priklausomybių atkryčiu。 Asocijuojasi su kalte， jog vėl neapsaugojome savo artimųjų nuo žalingų žingsnių。 BET MES NEGALIME NUGYVENTI KITŲ GYVENIMŲ， IŠGELBĖTI JŲ BŪTIES， JEI PRIKLAUSOMI ŽMONĖS NESIRENKA IŠEITI IŠ ŠIO RATO。 PRIEVARTA NEPADĖS。 PIRMIAUSIA PASIRŪPINKITE SAVIMI IR SAVO GYVENIMU。 。。。more
Angela
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While there is plenty of information for others， this book tends to focus on alcoholics or adults and their families。 I found it distracting。
Katelynn Golby-Larson
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Took me literal months to finish this book but I think I needed to digest it in small chunks。 Very practical but it does repeat itself a lot。
Amy L
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The first half of the book was really healing here and there。 There are things in this book that made me think about my life more and made me want to change。
HorrorBook HellHound
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As a non-Christian there are points in this book that get a little irksome， BUT as a whole this book has really helped me open my eyes to my own codependent behaviors and made me feels so much better and stronger as a person。 Would highly recommend even if you are not a Christian to read this book if you struggle at all with codependency， toxic relationships， and even BPD as well。
Natasha Wali
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This book is very geared toward people who have loved ones who are abusing substances。 But it ALSO offers life changing straightforward insight to anyone who feels they have experienced codependency in their relationships。 A recommended read for all。
Amanda Tero
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I picked this up at someone’s recommendation。 It does give a good education about the dangers and depths of codependency as well as provides action steps to apply。 It pulls out the importance of individual choice and responsibility。Personally， I prefer books with more Scriptural foundation。 It is actually very ecumenical with a mix of Scripture， mysticism， and other religious statements。I can see where elements of this book are helpful， even for conservative Christians because codependency （taki I picked this up at someone’s recommendation。 It does give a good education about the dangers and depths of codependency as well as provides action steps to apply。 It pulls out the importance of individual choice and responsibility。Personally， I prefer books with more Scriptural foundation。 It is actually very ecumenical with a mix of Scripture， mysticism， and other religious statements。I can see where elements of this book are helpful， even for conservative Christians because codependency （taking responsibility for someone else’s actions and feelings） is something many are unaware of and have an unhealthy practice of。 However， I can’t exactly recommend it openly because of the adult content and no real Biblical foundation。 。。。more
Hannie Duncan
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Religious af
Shea
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baring it all for the reading challenge total
Talia
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Powerful wake up callThis book simultaneously gives you two perspectives on codependency: 1） from the dependent and 2） from the codependent。 It can be harsh， but what’s in here is necessary to acknowledge for growth。 I will say that you may have to replace certain definitions with your own。 For example， in my case the dependent is not chemically dependent as it is defined in this book （e。g， an alcoholic） but nonetheless just as destructive。 Same thing goes for the concept of God’s love and his p Powerful wake up callThis book simultaneously gives you two perspectives on codependency: 1） from the dependent and 2） from the codependent。 It can be harsh， but what’s in here is necessary to acknowledge for growth。 I will say that you may have to replace certain definitions with your own。 For example， in my case the dependent is not chemically dependent as it is defined in this book （e。g， an alcoholic） but nonetheless just as destructive。 Same thing goes for the concept of God’s love and his plan， if that is something that doesn’t resonate with you。 All in all， it’s a book I will recommend to anyone who has ever put their own needs on the back burner。 。。。more
Rachel Smith
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I had heard good things about this book， so I was looking forward to reading it。 But as I read， it became obvious that the author was not accounting for systemic oppression， neurodivergencies， power imbalances in relationships， or any mental illnesses other than addiction。 She constantly suggests Christianity is required to heal from codependency， even though the book is not advertised as a religious work。 She references debunked mental health concepts and disorders， contradicts herself frequent I had heard good things about this book， so I was looking forward to reading it。 But as I read， it became obvious that the author was not accounting for systemic oppression， neurodivergencies， power imbalances in relationships， or any mental illnesses other than addiction。 She constantly suggests Christianity is required to heal from codependency， even though the book is not advertised as a religious work。 She references debunked mental health concepts and disorders， contradicts herself frequently， and lists healthy human behaviors （such as crying or feeling frustrated） along with domestic abuse （such as controlling a partner's access to resources or threatening them with violence） as implied equal symptoms of codependency。 While she pays lip service to therapy and medication for mental health， she also repeatedly stigmatizes them and suggests they are ineffective。 The first few chapters have a judgmental， blaming， and abrasive tone toward codependent people， before flipping to a more sympathetic tone that contradicts many of the earlier points， making the beginning an off-putting and needless experience。 Lastly， the book actually focuses not on general codependency， but on people with loved ones who have compulsive behaviors; many pages are devoted to explaining and recommending 12-step programs。 Overall， this book would have benefitted from massive editing to make the concepts cohesive， a more accurate title， and sensitivity readers。 。。。more
Lizkin
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